Moving on

'Hi Kelly, how's the crew,' Shepard asks.
'Everyone is settling back down after you took down the Collector base. I'm glad I could spend some time afterwards with you commander, it meant a lot to me, but I know there are other things on your mind.'
'Thanks Kelly,' she says. 'I appreciate everything you've done for me.'
'I'll be honoured to be your friend for a long time.'
'I'll always be there for you Kelly. Someday I hope you'll find the right person to keep you safe though.'
'Speaking of which, I was wondering about Joker. He seems to have taken all this remarkably well, considering, but I'm unsure about the relationship he's developed with EDI, if you could call it that.'
'What are you suggesting?'
'Do you know if he has anyone waiting for him back home?'
'Not to my knowledge.'
'Any friends outside of the Normandy?'
'Not a lot. I don't think he kept in touch with Kaidan at all either. All his friends are on this ship.'
'Okay commander, thank you.'
'My pleasure Kelly.'
Shepard smiles, remembering the nights out she had with Kelly. They were good times, but nothing would ever come of them. Both of them had needed a break and it was a good chance to relieve some stress and let go for a night. She walks towards the helm and is glad to see Joker in good spirits again.
'Hey commander, how's it going?'
'Good Joker.' She places a hand on his shoulder. 'It's been a long few days but I'm glad we're back to normal for now. First the collector base, then blowing up that relay – you'd think I enjoy seeing things explode.'
Joker laughs and Shepard smiles at his reaction.
'We didn't have much choice eh commander?'
'No we didn't.' She stares out the front windows into space.
'It is a little scary staring out into space isn't it. If you think too hard about it.' Joker follows her line of sight out of one of the viewing windows. 'Do you ever think about what will happen if we destroy the reapers and get off this ship?'
'What do you mean?'
'Have you ever thought about your life after the Normandy?'
'To be honest I wasn't sure we'd make it this far. I was sure we were done for after we set the course for the Omega 4 relay and look at us now. Sometimes it doesn't seem to make sense to think too far ahead.'
'Yea.' Shepard lets out a quick, nervous laugh. 'What do you say we go get some dinner Joker?'
'Sure, let me set our course for the Citadel and I'll meet you down there.'

'What you were saying before, commander, about having a life. I guess I lied a little. I mean, I think about it, I just try not too,' Joker says taking a bite of his dinner.
'I know what you mean,' she stares into her dish. 'After seeing Kaidan on Horizon, I guess I felt like I lost that fight. No point in chasing something you can't have, right?'
'I guess not commander.'
The two eat in silence for a few minutes.
'You know, Joker, I think you should ask Kelly to dinner, when we get to the Citadel.'
Joker almost spits water out of his nose from surprise. 'What?'
'I've seen you two get along well enough before, and you don't get out much either.'
'Gee thanks.'
'I meant she seemed interested in you, when I spoke to her the other day. I just thought it might be a good idea for you to get out, have a bit of fun.'
'I'm not sure commander. She's a nice girl and all, but like you said, the Reapers are still out there.'
'So? We're going to be stuck at the Citadel for a few days. I have three days of meetings with the Ambassadors at least. What else are you going to do for that time? Play poker with EDI?'
Joker looks at Shepard for a moment. She's smiling at him, urging him with her eyes to do as she suggests. He wants to resist but he can't. He can't say no to her, even if it's something he doesn't really want to do. He never followed her blindly, but no matter how bad the situation seemed, she always had the right answer and managed to pull everyone out of the mess they were in. She'd saved his life after all.
'All right commander. I guess I owe you something.' Her face lights up with a huge smile.
'You'll have a great time, you'll see.'

Shepard sits at her desk, looking through the files she has prepared for the council and ambassadors. The Normandy is docked at the Citadel.
'This is going to be a long few days,' she mutters to herself. She rubs her head, the slightest of headaches beginning to pulse in her head. She looks over at the photo of Kaidan on her desk that has been flipped down. She picks it back up and it flicks on. It was only a couple of nights but she can't put them out of her mind. To her, they only happened a few months ago. Some days she forgets it was more than two years ago. She flips the picture back down as someone knocks at her door.
'Come in,' she says and turns in her chair to face Joker.
'I can't do this commander.' She stares blankly at him, clearly not on the same page. 'I can't go on this date.'
'Of course you can. Kelly hasn't shut up about how excited she is since you asked. To be honest, I'm not sure you have either.'
'Yeah but I was just trying to be all cool and macho or something. I haven't been on a date in years. I don't know what to wear, what to say, what to do. Is it even a real date? I mean, we're just going for drinks at the Dark Star Lounge.'
She stands and puts her hand on Joker's shoulder.
'Relax,' she says smiling at his nervousness. 'You'll be fine. I can help you find something to wear and the rest will just come naturally. Kelly is easy to talk to, so I wouldn't worry about that. You just need to enjoy yourself.'
Joker sits back on her leather lounge and takes a few deep breaths.
'I guess you're right commander.' He looks over at her and she's almost laughing. 'What? Is there something on my face?' He starts wiping his hands on his face.
'No,' she laughs. 'I'm just laughing because you're cute.'
'Shucks commander.'
'I meant that I've never seen you nervous like this. It's almost adorable.'
'A boy has to take what he can get.' Joker pretends to stand his collar up and flick his hand through his hair. Shepard laughs.
'I'm glad you're here Joker,' she says. Joker turns to look at her, his expression serious. 'I don't know if I could have made it through this without you.' She puts her hand on his arms and rubs it a little. She looks up at Joker and meets his gaze. They stare at each other for a moment, he turns his arm and holds onto her arm for a moment.
'The feeling's mutual commander.'
'Thank you Jeff,' she says, sending a slight tingle up Joker's back. They look at each other for a moment.
'Now you better get going, or you'll be late.'
He closes his eyes, shakes his head and opens them again.
'Yeah.' He stands up, letting go of Shepard and walks out. 'See ya,' he says, turning around for a second before leaving her room.

Three days of meetings and politicians has Shepard worn out. She wanders down to the mess for a much needed strong drink and joins Kelly who is eating dinner by herself.
'Kelly.'
'Commander, good to see you. How were your meetings?'
'They're over,' she says with a sigh. 'How was your date?'
Kelly smiles and Shepard smiles back at her. 'I had a wonderful time. Joker certainly is an interesting and talented man.'
'Let's keep it safe-for-work there Kelly,' she winks at her.
'Oh,' she giggles. 'Nothing like that. He was quite the gentleman but I don't think he was very interested in pursuing anything else.'
'Why do you say that?'
'He hardly talked about anything else but you all night.'
'I'm sure that's not true.' Shepard takes a sip of her glass, the whisky warming her throat and chest.
'Perhaps, but he does seem to care for you a lot. He spoke of you very highly – he seems to know you better than you realize.'
'I've known Joker a long time Kelly. Not a lot of people have supported me these last few months, I'm glad he's on board. He's the best pilot I've ever seen,' Shepard says.
'I know,' Kelly says looking straight at Shepard. 'I get the feeling that he's more than just an exceptional pilot to you though.'
'He is. He's one of the few friends I have. After the crew of the first Normandy left, I didn't really have anyone. It meant a lot to me to have Joker on my side and have him support my decisions.'
'That's not what I meant commander,' Kelly says still staring at Shepard.
'That's taking it too far Kelly. I respect what you're saying but our relationship is strictly professional.'
'I'm sorry commander. I was out of line.'
'Good night Kelly,' Shepard says, leaving Kelly to her dinner and taking her drink with her.

Shepard stalks into her room, almost shaking a little after the presumption Kelly made about her. She swallows the rest of her drink in one gulp. What was he thinking with Kelly? Couldn't he have just been a normal man for one night and given a girl a great night out? It's not as though Kelly wouldn't have enjoyed it. She stops for a second turns and looks into her fish tank. The water looks cool and refreshing. She walks to her bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror. Her face is red and her eyes a little glossy. She runs the cold water and splashes her face with it. She takes a deep breath and lets it out with a sigh. She turns out the lights and crawls into bed.

The next morning Shepard wakes with a throbbing headache. She pops a few meds and makes her way to the mess. It is still early and the only person there is Joker. She nods at him and joins him at the table with her breakfast.
'How was the date?'
'Damn commander, straight to the point.'
'I've always been straight with you Joker.'
'Well I'll have you know it was nice. Kelly was very nice and we had a great time.'
'Come on Joker. You're like a cat. I give you a present and you just want to play with the box.'
He raises his eyebrows at Shepard.
'Why, because I wouldn't sleep with her?'
Shepard snorts. 'Now look who's straight to the point.'
'Look commander, I know you had my best interests at heart but she's just not my kind of girl.'
Shepard furrows her brow and frowns at Joker.
'What did I say to–' he cuts her off.
'I appreciate what you were trying to do but I didn't ask for it. So just get off my back.' He stands up and hobbles away, not looking back at her.

Later that night Shepard is in her room, avoiding everyone. It was a rough day of meetings and ambassadors and she's just about had enough of everything. She pulls out a glass and her stash of whiskey and pours herself a tall one. The picture of Kaidan is still face down on the desk; she fiddles with it a little but keeps it down. Her room is as tidy as it can be – the sheets are tucked into the bed, the books are all arranged and the glass has all been cleaned. There's a ring at the door.
'Commander it's me, can I come in?' Joker's voice barely comes in through the door. She opens it and waves him in.
'What is it Joker, I'm just in the middle of something.'
'I'm sorry, about this morning. I've been kicking myself over it. I shouldn't have let that out on you.'
'It's okay Joker. These are tight quarters on the Normandy, it's perfectly alright.'
'Uh,' he says then stops. He cocks his head towards the models in the display case.
'Drink?' She offers him a glass of whiskey.
'Why not?' He replies. She pours a second glass and sits on the lounge. They sit together in silence for a while, not looking at each other.
'I'm sorry if I said something to offend you Joker.' Shepard breaks the silence.
'It's okay commander, I overreacted. I just uh…' Shepard turns to face him, pulling a leg up onto the lounge.
'If you can forgive me, I can forgive you, then we can just forget this ever happened.' Joker smiles and she smiles back. 'So did you at least have a good time?'
'Yea it was alright. I swear it didn't lead to anything.'
'It was worth a shot right? You don't know 'til you try.' Shepard fiddles with her glass and folds both her legs under her and faces Joker. 'I just worry about you, that's all. I don't want the best relationship you have to be EDI. No offense.'
'None taken commander.'
'Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Mind you, I prefer when I get it right the first time.'
'Did you?'
She looks at him, then glances towards her desk then back to him. 'No.'
'You sure?'
'Yes, I'm sure.'
Joker fidgets with his glass then takes a long sip. He glances around Shepard's room avoiding her.
'Something the matter?'
He gulps down the rest of his drink and looks directly at Shepard.
'You know how you said earlier that you weren't sure you'd have been able to get through all this without me?'
'Yes,' she replies.
'I don't think that's true.'
'Okay.'
'As far as I'm concerned, you're the strongest person I've ever met. I'm proud to be here by your side.' Joker's face is flushed. He continues before she can speak. 'I don't think I could have made it without you here. In fact, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you commander. You're my best friend here and I don't want that to change.'
'Okay,' she says hesitating over the word. She is shifting on her seat and her shoulders look tense. Her lips are pursed and her eyes are avoiding him as best as they can.
'Thanks for the drink commander, I should go.' He stands awkwardly and leaves his glass on her table.
'Jeff wait.' She stands and moves to block his path out.
'You,' she pauses, 'are my best friend here and I don't want that to change. I'm not sure what I would do if you weren't here.'
She leans in and holds him tight. His arms find her waist and pull her close. They both close their eyes. They pull apart but she doesn't take her hands off his shoulders and he keeps his on her waist.
'If we make it through this,' she stops. He doesn't wait for her to finish – he pulls her in to him, pressing his lips against hers. She breathes in deep through her nose, her arms lock around his neck.
'Don't leave,' she says. He smiles.